People, some in dark; some wearing their daily casual clothes; some not minding what they wearing, as if their red swollen eyes are tired to stair in the blank spot of the floor. All people were sitting or standing, except one.

The place seemed too small for a room of people; too crowded for silence; too sad for a gathering.

A silent song of FOO FIGHTERS' The Best of you is playing in the background, as if coming from a nearby headphone. A boy trying to sing the song, since it has been playing for too long. The boy looked very much like his father.

His father lying down near the wall opposite the people. He's sleeping despite the intensity made by the people around him. He was at peace.

I've got another confession to make I'm your fool Everyone's got their chains to break Holdin' you Were you born to resist or be abused? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Are you gone in onto someone new? I needed somewhere to hang my head Without your noose You gave me something that I didn't have But had no use I was too weak to give in Too strong to lose My heart is under arrest again But I break loose My head is giving me life or death But I can't choose I swear i'll never give in I refuse Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel Your trust, you must Confess Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Oh.. Oh Oh Oh Oh Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel The life, the love You'd die to heal The hope that starts The broken hearts Your trust, you must Confess Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? I've got another confession my friend I'm no fool I'm getting tired of starting again Somewhere new Were you born to resist or be abused? I swear i'll never give in I refuse Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel Your trust, you must Confess Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Oh..
------------

my father

A friend of mine recently just lost his father from a heart stroke. Incidentally, another friends lost their father at the age of just early 50s about a month ago.

I guess that explains why my pupil dilated the instant I heard mama told about papa's recent EGC result. Papa, according to the school physician, unknowingly had a minor stroke. "Dai na kaya naturog ang ahma mo. Ikaw daw magsabi ta dai na nadangog sako".

With papa's habit of staying up late playing 3D games, I can't help but think that his health condition is due to his obsession of playing 3D games. I'm now in the pedestal of guilt, regretting buying the Call of Duty 2 game. Being a WWII enthusiast, papa liked the game so much that he requested that we buy the call of duty 1 game. He played the games religiously. The old habit of taking a stroll in the SBMA quadrangle, is now replaced with running with guns in the virtual world.

During the first few weeks of this gaming incidents, I used to think that I have a very cool dad who can relate to the new trend of gaming technology. He knows the difference between a well renderred game to that of a low poly game.

Like japanese parents who prefer playing with their kids through PS2, I was excited with the same idea that maybe we can get to talk more about our lives through 3D gaming. ironically, it didn't work that way. I lost interest of gaming, since I got myself busy with freelance and work. While my father immersed himself in his PC one game after another.

I wasn't really much bothered with my father playing 3D games. Until mama talked to me one morning flooding me with her sobs and disappointments about papa's playing. She's so worried and angry at the same time for having a husband who's growing backwards. "Your father used to join us watching TV, eating meals and helping with the chores. Now all he does is play that @#% games all day..even early in the morning. Garo na siya aki, dai na ngani nageexercise gaya ng dati.." Now I'm the one in the verge of realization that there is a thin line between adulthood and being a kid.

No matter what, I'm proud of the person my father is. He will always be the best father of my life, may it be on the real world.... or the virtual world.

I just need to tell him to grow up a bit this evening...

Friday the 20th

I've been studying the sign of life for more than 26years now. The experience was tiring at first. I was only equipped with the most sophisticated tool of the 20th century; the pen. I drafted the time line from 0 year to the final hour of cataclysm. Once done, I asked the higher being to review the blue print. Simply by seeing the look in his horrid face, I knew that redrafting is needed. The higher being's voice was like a whisper to my calculating mind, "It's fine as it is, but I must admit that you need to repeat the writings..."

I swallowed the voice from the omnipotent being and admitted loss. By that time, I knew that I'm back to the life of the smaller being. Smaller than the white spots in the corner of one's mouth.

I licked my fears away."I will redo". It was a proper thing to say.
"Maybe you ought to translate your own work into English" he said. "Maybe"

from the corners of my eyes I saw the girl named Delilah. She was listening to our conversation. Worst she was seeing my fears and failures. She smiled at me and looked sadly at my pen. "Maybe you need to redo..I guess". Her eyes turned glassy, and I wanted to shatter it into pieces. Feeling the pieces falling into oblivion. Quickly I masked a smile over my guilt-stricken face. She knew my feelings very well as she stopped her tears from drifting. Like a dead leaf clinging into a drift wood, her tears simply evaporated from her eyelids.

I felt shame for feeling like this in front of Delilah and the being.
"Gawyn, I'm afraid you're taking too much of our time" said the being, while waving me away from his study room. "I will redo".

I vanished in the darkness, away from the door never looking back.A ball formed inside my throat, like a blob of crying intending to burst.But I simply walked. Dignity is the only alibi I have.Dignity along with the 26-year old pen.

soft irony

Mrs. Norris was devastated with her husband's sudden death. Mr. Norris, a carpenter, was found dead, trapped under piles of building debris. He was clutching a paper, which seems to be his good bye note for his wife. It was a simple letter full of "I love you", "Thank yous" and apologies of leaving his wife so soon. Perplexing, however, was the idea that no pen was found near Mr. Norris' body. To Mrs. Norris, the pen was a miracle. She imagined that Mr. Norris was given a chance by Divine Intervention to leave something behind. She was thinking of this with a smile, until a doctor approached her. "Ma'am I'm sorry for the loss. We now know the cause of your husbands' death.. and we found your miracle pen. Your husband died of choking. You see life's a joke sometimes".

then Mr. Norris woke up in the middle of the night thinking that never will he write a good bye note, ever.

kuyakoy and euphoria

I believed that drawings are better than words. I think I still do...This drawing supposedly is Rand Al' Thore, the hero of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time. He happens to wield the One Power which eventually would make him mad.

Also I'm in the process of finishing a website www.exemply.com ,which hopefully would provide usability to learners like me.

If you also have time, please visit my band site www.dords.orgfree.com. I think that's just it for now. I'll try to post tomorrow and the day after that...
-----------------------

Astralista

kuwento ni Ryan Sandagon

"Addict" ang huling bulong ni Noel sa sarili. Ilang araw na kasing nahuhuli ang roommate sa dormitoryo na humihithit ng marijuana. Hindi niya naman mapagsabihan kasi kapag wala sa sarili'y medyo nagtrtrip ang mokong. Nung nakaraang weekend, habang nasa Olongapo siya'y napagdiskatahan ng mokong ang bangko. Pano kasi pagbalik niya ng Lunes pirapiraso itong nakatago sa ilalim ng kama. Marami ring galos sa kamay at paa ang mokong. "Sorry pare, hinamon kasi ako kagabi niyang upuan mo. Gusto mo palit na lang tayo?"

"Addict"

I. NOEL MC SQUARED

Kapag mainit ang ulo ni Noel ay tanging ang simbahan lang an refrigerator niya. UUpo; luluhod; magiisip; tapos okay ng lahat. Balik buhay estudyante na naman.

BS Applied Physics ang kurso niya. Kung tatanungin mo kung bakit malamang di ka niya sagutin. Pano kasi makailang beses niya ng pinaliwanag at pinagtanggol ang kursong sa tingin ng iba'y kakaiba. Iba-ibang reaction nga ang sumasabit sa mukha ng mga tao kapag nasabi niya na ang kurso. Me ibang tatango,me ibang magkukunwari'y di niya narinig, at karamihan nagtatanong kung ano yung kurso. Minsan nga nagsisinungaling na lang si Noel na siya'y isang BS Nursing. Tahimik at walang gulo.

II. MANANG TONY AT ANG PUTING DALAGA

"Hayun na naman si Tatang" isip ni Noel habang pinapanood ang isang matanda sa unahan ng simbahan na natutulog. Lalapitan ito ng isang sakristan at saglit na gigisingin. Tatayo ang matanda at ngingising tatayo palabas. Nakita nito si Noel at unting palalakihin ang ngiti para pakita ang gilagid na walang ngipin.

"Makailang beses na ba kayong nasita ng sakristan manong?" tanong ni Noel habang nagbibigay ng espasyong mauupuan si tanda. "Bakla. Di naman ako laging nakakatulog sa harapan eh. sa leeekood din." sabay ngisi. "Inggit lang yan si Sakristana, di kasi makaidlip sa misa, nawawalan pa ng ganda". Ngingiti naman si Noel. "Pagpasensyahan niyo na, nasa simbahan pa naman kayo." sabi ni Noel habang titingin sa kalapit na upuan kung saan me mapapansin na uupong dalaga na nakaputi.

Minsan lang siya napapatitig sa tao; kung galit siya o kaya natutuwa siya. Sa pagkakataong ito, alam niya na masaya siya. "Me mga tao din kasing likas na magaganda't napapatitig ka talaga" isip-isip niya sa sarili. Ngayon niya lang nakita ang dalaga. May hawak itong rosaryo sa kamay. Me simangot din sa labi at nakatitig kay Noel ang mga matang di natutuwa.

III. EXITERYA

"Gago ka kasi. Ba't mo naman titi--teegan, di mo naman pala kilala." paninisi ni manong habang palabas sila ni Noel ng simbahan. "Tsaka marami namang katulad kong me asim pa. Pipilit mo pang sarili mo sa mga dalaga". "Hindi naman yun yung point eh. Napatingin lang ako kasi di ko pa sya nakita dati sa simbahan. Tiyaka kasalanan niya't nakaputi siya, di ko naman akalain na magagalit siya kapag tingnan." Napatahimik ang dalawa habang naglalakad patungo sa puwesto na me karatulang "Hula ni Manang Tony (espritesta, multo at kulam)". "Siya Manong Tony, mukhang kelangan mo ng magtrabaho. Nakapangkumpisal ka naman ata sa mga hula mong di totoo minsan", pabirong sinabi ni Noel "Che. Kaw lang naman ang di naniniwalaula at beauty ko eh." Sabay upo sa pwesto niya na kahilira ng iba pang manghuhula na busy sa panghuhula sa mga customer nila. Bago umalis si Noel ay saglit itong sumulyap sa kinaroroonan ng dalaga sa Quiapo Church, ngunit wala na ito. "Addict" bulong ni Noel sa sarili sabay para ng jeep papuntang Campus.

Sa di malayo ay napatitig si Manong Tony sa jeep na kinasasakyan ni Noel. "Anak ng *p()^@" pabulong nitong nasabi habang nagmamadaling napatayo at nagbungkal ng cellphone sa bulsa. Isa lang ang pwede niyang gawin; ang padalhan ng text message si Noel. Ngunit tumunog ng reklamo ang cellphone. "P()^@ng load yan!."

IV. JEEP NI RIDE

Nakatabi ni Noel ang dalaga. Nakadilaw itong kamiseta at jeans. Hinawakan siya nito't binulungan: "Bayad, paabot!", sabi ng ale na pilit sinusuksok ang barya sa kamay ni Noel. "Ay. Bayad daw manong." papikit-pikit na sinabi ni Noel. Medyo malayo ng narating niya. "Lampas na ata ng over-pass" isip-isip niya. "Sukli po manang" abot ng katabi ni Noel sa Ale na nagbayad. Medyo inaantok pa rin siya ng maramdaman and bulsa na unti-unting nagiingay. Napabunot na sana siya ng cellphone, ngunit ng maisipang nasa jeep at maalala ang mga kwento ng maraming naholdap na kaklase ay pinagpaliban na lamang ang text message. Di na napansin ni Noel ang dalagang nakadilaw na kamiseta at jeans na nakatingin sa kanya mula sa dulo ng jeep.

V. MONCHING

Bata pa siya nun ng unang pangitaan ng multo.Nakatayo sa harap ni Noel Si Ma'am Dilungan, ang terror na teacher. Terror talaga sa hirap ng tanong sa recitation. Sa di malamang pagkakataon natuon ang pansin ni Ma'am D kay Noel. Tigatik ang pawis.Pinapasagot sa kanya ang multiplication problem sa board. Kaso di niya talaga mabasa ang nakasulat. Pano di na siya makagalaw at makasalita sa titig ng lalaking nakaharang sa board. Maitim ang balat at nakapikit, parang patay na nailabas sa kabaong. Galit na galit si Ma'am D. Pinagpapalo siya sa inis, ngunit di niya nararamdaman. Hanggang sa bumuklat ang mata ng lalaki sa harap ni Noel at nagdilim ang lahat. Huli niyang narinig ang sigaw ni Ma'am D, "simpleng math.Ang sagot ay 123. 1--2--3". "1--2--3. Hoy huwag kang mag1--2--3!" galit ni sinabi ng driver. "Dulo na ng biyahe hoy. bayad mo?"

VI. LOTLOT

"Ligo lang yan Noel" pabiro ng roommate pagdating ni Noel sa dorm. "Mokong, kaw maligo. Amoy alak ka eh. Buti di pa bumabalik mga pinaggagawa mo." patakang tanong ni Noel habang nagliligpit ng mga kalat ng inuman."Matagal ko ng nabanggit sayo na idol ko si Edgar Allan Poe na kelangang magbisyo bago makalikha ng magandang kwento" paliwanag ng namumulang roommate na nakahiga sa sariling suka. "Namatay din ata si Poe sa sakit dulot ng bisyo no?" nangising sabi ni Noel paalis ng kwarto. Isa sa pinakaayaw niyang lugar sa dormitoryo ang banyo. Hindi dahil sa di marunong magbuhos ang ibang dormmates, pero dahil sa kawalan nito ng tamang ilaw. Nasanay ng naliligo ng gabi si Noel, pero di niya pa rin makasanayang ang pagligo dito sa CR. Naalala niya kasi yung lalaki.

Pero alam ni Noel na di multo ang nakita niya nung bata siya. Pano kasi ng matanggal si Ma'am D dahil sa pamamalo ng sobra eh di niya mapaliwanag ang sumunod na nangyari. Ang pumalit na teacher sa kanila ay si Ginoong Tingkad, na minsan ay tinatawag na black teacher ng ibang kaklase ni Noel dulot ng kaitiman nito. Pagpasok pa lamang ng kwarto ni Ginoong Tingkad kasama ng principal ay napasigaw na si Noel at nagsisigaw ng "Multo! Multo!". Si Ginoong Tingkad ang nakita niyang multo. Simula noon ay pinagtatawanan na siya ng mga kaklase. Tumagal lang ata si Noel ng dalawang buwang kahihiyan bago matransfer ng ibang school.

Napuno na ng tubig ang drum. Dahil sa medyo cost-cutting, walang shower ang mga paliguan. Me tagiisang drum nga lang ang mga ito. Nakasanayan na ni Noel na palitan ng laman ang drum. Nadala na siya ng dating maligo at huli na ng mapansing me Condom and drum. Medyo abnormal ngang pagligo niya; una ang sabon bago shampoo. Kaya pikit siyang naliligo. Malalim ang iniisip niya't di napansin na me pumasok sa CR.

"Katangahan" bulong niya. Pano ba nama'y nalaglag and sabon sa sahig. "Madumi pa naman" isip-sip niya. Pilit niyang inaabot ang sabon ng nakapikit. Hindi niya napansin ang dugo sa sahig at ang duguang paang pinagmumulan nito. Naramdaman niya na lang na unti unting sumusuksok ang sabon sa naghahanap niyang kamay. Dahil sa gulat, kahit mahapdi'y binuksan niyang mata niya.

"Baboy talaga mga gumagamit dito" nandidiring bulong sa sarili, habang nakatitig sa putikang sahig. Dagliang nagbanlaw at palabas na siya ng mapansing me yapak ng paa papuntang labas ng CR. Sinundan niya ito at napansing patungo sa sariling kwarto. "Baboy na addict na roommate"

Pagbukas ng pinto'y nakatalukbong ang mokong. "Gago ito, tatakutin mo pa 'ko" pangising sinabi ni Noel. Nalinga ang tingin niya sa biglaang tumunog na cellphone. Nagmadali siyang naghukay sa bulsa ng nagamit na jeans. Kumulay sa cellphone ang "2 messages received". Kaunting pindot lang at nabasa ang pinakabagong mensahe:

"from Manong Tony - Bakla! nakita mong message ko kanina."

unting pindot pa't bumukas ang pangalawang mensahe:

"from 092878252 - Naubsan akong load. Klangan mong magbhis ng pbaliktad. Ung jip kasing snkyan mo kanna, klay itim. MASAMA yun, pangitain yun"

Nagreply si Noel ng "ok". Medyo naguluhan siya sa mensahe. Ang pagiging itim kasi ng kahit anong bagay ay sinyales ng masamang omen ayun kay Tony, alin sunod sa mga paniniwala ng mga manghuhula ng Quiapo. Kaso wala ng bisa ng pagbabaliktad kapag nahubad mo ng kasuotan, ayon na rin sa matanda. "Baka nalinga lang si manong" isip niya sa sarili. Tahimik siyang nagiisip ng gulantangin ng cellphone. "Baka reply isip" niya. Pero tawag ang nakadikit sa cellphone: "Call from MoKONG ROOMMATE"

Dahan dahan niyang sinagot ang phone. "NOEL si Roommate Mokong Darios to. Medyo di ko naayos yung pinaginuman ko diyan. yayari lang kasi ng masarap na hithit dito sa tropa eh. Kaw ng bahala diyan ah? k? dude?" medyo pasigaw na sinabi ng mokong mula sa phone.

Unti unting tumayo ang balahibo ni Noel. Kasabay ng pagtayo ng nakatalukbong na babae sa likod niya.

Huli ng lahat paglingon niya. Katapat niya na ang babaeng walang kaliwang mata. Parang karneng kinatay na me buhok na pula, dulot ng nanigas na dugo. Labas and mga ugat at utak sa basag na banga. Nakatitig kay Noel at may binubulong. Nanigas si Noel, at muli ay nasa Elementarya siya.

Bago mawala sa paningin niya ang lalaking nakaharang sa blackboard ay may sinabi ito: "Makinig ka lang". Pagpikit niya'y kaharap niya si Manong Tony sa simbahan ng Quiapo. "Bakla di ka kasi nakinig" sabi ng matanda. "Patay na ba ako?" tanong ni Noel. "Hindi no. Me papaliwanag lang ako bago ka bumalik sa horror movie mo." Lalong naguluhan si Noel. "Bago ka magsalita makinig ka muna. Me dapat kang malaman sa buhay: Yung tinatawag nating KALULUWA." lumunok ang matandang bakla bago tinuloy ang sinasabi."Ang mga kaluluwa ay yaong buhay ng tao.Kahit mawala na sayo yang laman mo, me kaluluwa ka na masasabing buhay. Problema lang ay mahirap kausapin ang kaluluwa kasi walang silang espasyo at oras. Ang kaluluwa meron ding karapatang maglagi sa mundo o kaya ay mapunta kung saan man. Gets mo ba bakla?" tanong ng matanda kay Noel. "Teka para saan ba ito?" tanong ni Noel. "Hay slow ka dear.wala pa naman tayong oras. Naalala mo yung teacher mo ng elementarya? Si Ginoong Tingkad? Kaluluwa yung nakita mo. Nagulat nga yung ibang kaluluwa kasi bihira yung katulad mong nakakakita pa ng Kaluluwa. Marami ay fake katulad ko.hihi. Charoosh. Anyway, pagalis mo kasing school ay namatay si Tingkad habang nagtuturo sa klase. Tapos nagpaparamdam na siya lagi sa lugar na yun. Kaw nga lang yung nakaramdam sa kanya BAGO siya mamatay. GETS?" "Ha? panong nangyari yun" Tanong ni Noel. "Di ka nakinig no? Sabi ko ang kaluluwa walang espasyo at walang ORAS! Kaya nga merong mga doubleganger at mga astral travel kung tawagin" Napaisip si Noel. "At panaginip lang to?" tanong ni Noel sa tanda. "Hindi. Me kelangan kang gawin upang maligtas ang isang kaluluwa. Pero kelangan mong pumunta sa tamang oras at lugar, kung hindi, mananatiling kaluluwa ang babae na nagpapakita sayo."

Nagising si Noel na nakahiga sa kama. Napaupo siyang mabilis. "Lecheng panaginip to" bulong niya sa sarili kung hindi lang sana sa yapak ng putik palabas ng kwarto.

Hindi inakala ni Marian na pati sa simbahan ay susundan siya ng lalaki sa dilim. Kung bakit ba naman kelangan niya pang puntahan ang kapatid sa dormitoryo kaninang hapon. Alam naman ng kapatid niyang meron siyang panata ng pagsimba sa Quiapo ng gabi. Ang daming tao sa unahan ng simbahan, napilitang dumaan ang dalaga sa eskinita. Muling naramdaman niya ang takot ng nakasakay sa jeep kanina. Napalingon siya sa likuran, at naroon ang lalaking nagmamadali. Di siya nagkakamali, yun nga ang lalaki na kasama nung baklang matanda sa simbahan.

"Leche naman. Ba't ako tinatakasan nito" bulong ni Noel sa sarili habang hinahabol ang dalaga na alam niyang nasa panganib.

Mabilis na nakatago sa masmadilim na lugar si Marian. Naghintay siya bago makalayo ang lalaking humahabol. Palabas na siya sa dilim ng hilahin siya ng isang lalaki sa likuran at paghahalikan sa pesnge. Huli niyang napansin ang hininga ng alak bago dumilim ang paningin.

Napansin ni Noel na nawala ang yapak na kanina niya pa sinusundan kaya naisipan niyang bumalik.

Nagising si Marian sa masakit na paghawak ng lalaking nakahubad sa ibabaw niya. Dali niyang nasampal at nasundot ang mata nito. Ngunit malakas ang lalaki. Dahil duguan at nasaktan, bumunot ang lalaki ng baril at tinutok sa banga ng dalaga. "LABAN KA PA HA P^%@ KA!". Alam na ni Marian na malapit na ang kamatayan, ngunit me napansin siyang nakatayo sa likuran ng lalaki. Isang babaeng duguan at nakatingin ng masama..at nagdilim ng lahat.

Nakakuha si Noel ng lakas upang hagupitin ng napulot na kahoy ang lalaki sa ulo. Daglian itong bumalagta sa tabi ng babaeng walang malay. Parehas ng nakahiga ay nakilala niya sa mukha: Ang babae sa simbahan at ang addict na roommate.

EPILOGUE

"Bakla... si Marian yung pinangitaan ng itim na jeep, hindi ikaw. Sabi ko sayo gumagana din prowess ko sometimes." Payabang ni Manong Tony habang pabiro nitong kinukurot si Noel na katabi ni Marian. "Ssshh...Kaya ang sama ng tingin ko sa inyong dalawa dati, eh kasi ang ingay niyo lagi sa simbahan" seryosong sinabi ni Marian, sabay sinundan ng ngiti.

"Yabang nito. Hayaan mo kahit lagi mo akong multuhin o pagkamalang rapist, liligawan pa rin kita." sabay tingin sa dalaga.

Tumahimik si Noel sumandali. "Pero meron pa rin akong di maintindihan?" patakang tumingin sa mga taong nagdadaan papuntang komunyon."Paano mo ako natulungan manong Tony?" Ngumiti ang matanda "Me mga bagay pa akong di nasasabi." Sabay seryoso nitong tiningnan ang dalawa. "Tanggap ko naman na bilang na rin ang araw ko. Malamang una kung gagawin kapag mamatay ako ay ang pumunta sa nakaraan at tulungan ang kaluluwa ni Marian... tapos pupuntahan ko yung crush ko nung highschool at sisilipan siya sa pagligo" sabay ngiti nitong sinabi.

Matagal silang nanahimik."Tapos na ang misa.Sya, Balik panghuhula na ako." tumayo na si Manong Tony, ngunit bago ito makatayo ng lubusan ay bigla itong nawalan ng malay na parang kusang nawalan ng lakas ang tuhod.

Habang nagkakagulo sa loob ng simbahan ay abala ang mga manghuhula Sa labas. Huli sila sa makakaalam sa pangyayari.

Paint in the Sun

Paint in the Sun

Story: Ryan Sandagon

Matthew is a broken man. He's wife, pregnant then, died from a car crash 6 years ago.Matthew never survived the aftermath of the accident. Living in solitude on a small house which used to be a home, Matthew is usually seen going out every morning by neighbours to visit the park. The park reminds him so much of how he and Dana met.

Matthew used to be a painter with an extraordinary gift. He can paint objects at motion without any problems. He can easily freeze an image he've seen by imagining it. Some people believe that he've got a good photographic memory, but Matthew believes that it was faith in what he paints. One of his famous painting is the "Chateu Romero", an oil-painting depicting people in motion at a restaurant of the same name. He was able to show in details all people who were at that place during his visit. It was so realistic that scholars called the art a pseudo-photography. Others believed that the painting is a work of love.

If one would look closely on the painting, one would notice that Matthew made a lot of effort painting the lovely lady in the corner of the painting. A lady named Dana.

It took months of fruitless searching of the mysterious lady before Matthew found what he was looking for. It was the Autumn of 1986, and Matthew was working on his 10th exhibit. Suddenly without any idea why, Matthew found himself having a stroll in the park near Cetio Guevarra. He sitted on a bench while searching for an inspiration for a new painting he's working with.

"Excuse me, can I share the seat?", Said a woman standing nearby. Glancing slowly, Matthew breathlessly stared at the woman. The woman in the painting.

"Of..oof..course. Please do.", he responded nervously, trying to put himself together.

"Would you believe that I came here looking for you...Matthew", asked the woman as she sitted comfortably in the bench.

"Ahmm..no..Why is that?" matthew responded still unable to compose himself in front of the beautiful woman. She turned towards him and smiled.

"Because I know you love me"

II

He still vividly recalls the accident. He was knocked unconscious by the impact of their car against a swerving trailer truck; Drunk driving, as the report would turn out from the police.

The last thing he remembered was the scream of his wife and the color red, like a filter in his eyes slowly fading to darkness.

III.

Everyday Matthew made it a point to visit the park. It's good for him according to the psychiatrist. He's been having a series of attacks lately; Seeing the ghost of his wife. Surprisingly the doctor said its a good sign of improvement.

The attacks range from seeing shadows and hearing voices to seeing the image of his wife in the mirror. He oftentimes find the bathroom used. He knew it was his wife from the smell of the perfume. "She's trying to tell me something" he thought.

The "attacks" started when he begun to talk to this kid he met in the park. The boy reminded him of his wife so much.

The boy's name is Daniel. "What a lovely name" he thought."I've always wanted to have a son with that name." A son he never had.

"I live just around the corner, near your house mister." the boy said.

"Really? Is that your Mommy?" Matthew said pointing to the woman sitting on the bench nearby.

"No." the boy said sadly. "She's a friend. I can't live with my Mommy and Daddy."

"How come?" said Matthew with concern.

"My Mommy's taking care of my Daddy. He's very sick." said Daniel trying to sound okay.

"I'm sorry." said Matthew, apologetically. "It's okay. How about you mister? You look sick yourself" teased the kid.

"Ha ha. You're one honest kid."

IV.

In his dreams. The doctor was comforting his wife. He was lying on the hospital bed. He couldn't clearly hear the conversation but heard the phrases "permanent disorder" , "without cure" and "believed to be dead". Then he was driving. His wife sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat. They had a wonderful dinner with some couple of friends at work. He made sure that he won't drink since he'll be driving late. Then she smiled and muttered a whisper from her slumber. She was staring at him from the dark. He smiled back and glanced at his wife. A glance he wish he never made. In the park she was sitting alone. He was painting from a distance. He was painting her in red paint.

He was about to finish when he realized that she wasn't there.

V.

"I must be losing my mind again".Matthew muttered to himself. He never recalled preparing the breakfast. He was, however, too anxious to see the boy that he finished the meal with haste.

"I'm glad you're here mister." said the boy smiling. "You seemed to be in good mood Daniel. I wish I could share the same feeling" said Matthew. "You will." for a few second the boy and Matthew looked at each other. "You'll see...you'll soon see" and the boy smiled.

VI.

"You'll see.. Just don't open your eyes yet" said Dana while clasping Matthew's eyes. It was their last Christmas together. "No hint whatsoever? You know I'm not good in guessing" said Matthew while holding a gift wrapped box. "We'll not everything in life can be seen. Careful now, you might drop my gift." whispered Dana. "Open it" she muttered. "Which one. My eyes or the gift." and he opened his eyes while hastily unwrapping the gift. "CHEATER" and they wrestled in the bedside for moment. Matthew got the box and found that its empty "Where's the content. The box's empty." He was searching under the bedsheet when Dana stopped him and kissed him. "The box is empty... and the gift is in me." she said while smiling. Matthew on his disbelief just smiled. "Oh my...I'm going to be a father."

VII.

"I just learned a small secret mister." said the boy. "Will you keep a secret for me? Promise not to tell?" asked the boy. "Well to tell you the truth, I'm really not good in keeping secrets. But I'll try anyway. Would you still trust me?" Matthew asked, seemingly lost in their converstation. "Yes I will" said the boy and he pulled Matthew towards the leafless tree. "I just learned from Mom that my Dad's well already and I can go home any moment now". "That's great! You can now even take your Dad for a stroll here in the park" said Matthew, a bit dismayed though, thinking that he won't be able to see the boy more often in the park. "Selfish of me" he thought. "So was that your little secret?" he asked. "Actually there's more. I just saw your wife yesterday"

VIII

"You're getting well" Matthew heard someone whispered from behind. He searched for the source of the voice and saw no one. He looked back at the boy. "You must be mistaken. I told you my wife died a few years ago". The boy just looked at him and smiled. "Can I call you Dad now?". Matthew took a few steps away from the kid. "Is this some kind of joke?" and he soon realized that he was walking away from the boy and slowly he run away. He was running on the snow-covered road when he saw a car wrecked from a car accident. He walked towards the car checking if there was somebody inside the car. He saw a woman unconscious inside the car. It was Dana.

IX

"Im losing it", he said horror-stricken from what his seeing now. But Dana slowly came to consciousness, she opened the car and stared at Matthew. "Oh my God! are you hurt Matthew?" she was running towards Matthew and suddenly she passed through him. Matthew wasn't sure what happened , he looked behind him and saw Dana and a younger version of him covered with blood and snow. The younger Matthew was just staring on the wreckage mumbling something. Dana was crying and shouting "Are you alright? ANYBODY HELP US! My husband...oh ..help..his hurt." The younger Matthew slowly rolled his eyes before falling down on his knees. The last thing Matthew heard was the voice of Dana crying for help. He soon realized he was alone on the road, in front of his house.

X

The vision was so clear. He slowly moved towards his house. The door was wide open. He thought that he might have left it open when he went to the park. He almost forgot the incident in the park with Daniel. Or was it part of the vision. He's no longer sure of himself. He probably just need to call his psychiatrist for help and wait for anything to happen in the house.

The living room was lit. It now looks like someone living in the house is actually living. Matthew slowly walked towards the room. "Hello? Anybody here... aside from me and my imagination?" If only he's not experiencing the weird visions, he might have laughed at his own remarks. He heard voices upstairs and decided to confront his visions he thought.

There was the sound of crying in their bedroom. Matthew slowly moved towards the door and opened it. Inside was his psychiatrist talking to his wife. "The trauma caused some irregularities in his...thinking" said his doctor with sympathy to his crying wife. "Is it..is it... curable?" asked Dana trying to find the right words. "I'm afraid I don't know the answer, This is one of the strangest cases I've seen. But I believe that somehow.. you might be able to convince him.. that you're real." Matthew could not believe what he's hearing. He was about to leave the room when he saw himself lying down the bed listening, but trying to look as if he is sleeping. When Matthew got out of the room, he found himself in the park just a few steps away from boy, who was now looking at him shouting "You really are.my father"

XI

"Believe him" said the familiar voice behind him. He slowly turned and found that there was no one there. "Open your eyes. Please Matthew. open them. Believe your visions. I am, afterall,... alive". said the voice which soon became clearer. "Dana? Where are you?" said Matthew still unsure of what he just heard. But before he could speak again he just soon remembered every details of his life for two years. But the strange thing is that he now remembers Dana in his memories. He remembers Dana eating with him.preparing the breakfast, cleaning the house, lighting the dard living living room and crying with him whenever he remembers the tragedy... The tragedy which he no longer remembers.

Dana was there in front of Matthew. She was crying and smiling at the same time. Her eyes bore the years of waiting; the frustration of not being able to talk to the man he loves. The man who thinks she was dead. She slowly embraced him and kissed him.

Matthew could not believe it. "If this is still part of my vision I'd rather live here" he said. He closed his eyes once more, and hold it closed for while. Although afraid to lose the sight his wife, he opened his eyes and saw that Dana was still there."I told you you'll see." Matthew almost forgot that Daniel was just a few steps away from them.

"Matthew meet Daniel...your son" Daniel soon joined them and hugged Matthew so hard. "Welcome back Dad. Sorry I lied to you the first time we met. I'm glad you know now that Mom's alive."

It was an endless moment for Matthew... and it will be.