Friday, October 17, 2008
My Name Story
All name rooted from a story. Mine was simple. I was named after the actor Ryan O'Neal. Mama would often tell me the story of O'Neal's movie "Love Story" which she enjoyed and watched while she was carrying me. She had a crush on the actor and decided him to be my 'katukayo'. Maybe hoping I could atleast get a genetic glimpse of his good looks.
But they never imagined that Ryan O'Neal would lose his fame to drug addiction. This morning, he was in the news again. He was arrested in his Malibu house and charged with felony drug possession. But what made the news worse, was that he was using drugs with his son.
I looked at Jajas while he was silently watching a movie, and decided to join him. What's with the name anyway...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
A tiny prick of the soul
I got pricked by a broken tiles yesterday
The tiny sliver pierced the soft flesh between my middle finger's nail and skin.
I was numb.
I waited for the pain.
My heart began to jump into ecstatic rhythm
My pulse resonated like an earthquake
I saw the slow circles of red spots forming
beneath my translucent nail
I enjoyed the tiny impulse of feeling
It was foreign -- unwelcome
yet something I provoked
My mind suggested panic
but I was obsessed and mesmerized
by the experience
Suddenly the empty numbness
and the secluded sadness
replaced by something
lively, challenging,
painful
It made me realize
that I was still capable
of hurting
capable of feeling
capable of longing for something
I was still breathing
the unpleasant air from the restroom
I smiled
and walked out for help
The tiny sliver pierced the soft flesh between my middle finger's nail and skin.
I was numb.
I waited for the pain.
My heart began to jump into ecstatic rhythm
My pulse resonated like an earthquake
I saw the slow circles of red spots forming
beneath my translucent nail
I enjoyed the tiny impulse of feeling
It was foreign -- unwelcome
yet something I provoked
My mind suggested panic
but I was obsessed and mesmerized
by the experience
Suddenly the empty numbness
and the secluded sadness
replaced by something
lively, challenging,
painful
It made me realize
that I was still capable
of hurting
capable of feeling
capable of longing for something
I was still breathing
the unpleasant air from the restroom
I smiled
and walked out for help
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Baby Jorel: Our Superman in a Better Place
If you were given a few months to live, how would you live it? -- I would live my life the way my 3-month old pamangkin did: To be a miracle.
When baby Jorel was brought home after 3 weeks incubation at the hospital, we knew that he was fragile due to premature birth. He was the opposite of the fictional Superman. Yet he was the strongest person I've finally met -- and the most sincere in giving smiles, as if saying "Hi tito, nice to meet you. I love you too." If he was in pain, he never showed it and indulged himself in the pleasure of drinking milk instead. We would often tease him, "pataba ka baby
ah" and he would flash a broken smile something between laughter and whining.
Last Friday, Ate tet (baby Jorel's mom) was happier than usual. Baby baby Jorel is getting a bit fatter and his legs and feet were chubbier. Sadly, the happiness was temporary; As it turns out, baby Jorel's lower body was starting to swell: a symptom of kidney failure. He was rushed in the hospital that evening and was confined under medical observation. Next thing we knew, he was having trouble breathing and wasn't urinating properly -- then blood donors were needed and tests were made; yet no clear indications on what would happen next.
Last Monday, we visited baby Jorel while he was being tended by nurses and a doctor. The doctor's face was painted with bad news. Either baby Jorel's kidney was blocked or it wasn't formed well due to premature birth, she later confessed. It's either surgery or dialysis.
That evening, right after trying to celebrate Jody's birthday, Ate tet went home to packed some clothes. baby Jorel was scheduled for surgery in Pampanga.
The doctors will remove the water in his kidney to stop the clogging until they could figure out what was wrong. With financial and emotional turmoil, ate Tet remained calm as she broke the news.
Jody and I went to the hospital just before they took baby Jorel to Pampanga. He was asleep and was playing with his bubbling saliva. I sat beside him as I fumble his small foot. I watched him silently as he enhaled troubled breaths so as to pop larger bubbles of saliva. It's a wonder how at a troubled time, a baby can calm you down with his playful sleep. I never thought It would be the last time I would see baby Jorel alive.
They took baby Jorel that evening after being halted by bureaucratic settlement of fees and documents.
The surgery took place yesterday at 4pm. I got a message from ate that the surgery was succesful and baby Jorel was taken to the recovery area. But as we were about to find relief, messages started sounding bad. Baby Jorel's lungs were giving up and he was developing pulmonary problems.
By early morning we were all waiting for more news -- but the grave news we did not want to hear came by 4am. I learned about it as I woke up this morning, only to be hugged by my silently crying mother. I cried back knowing that our miracles just ended too.
Miracles do happen, and I'm glad that it happened to us for a few months in our bundle of joy.
----
Thank you for all the concerns, the financial support, the ears for listening, and for praying. I'm sure baby Jorel is in a better place without pain by now.
Thank you po.
When baby Jorel was brought home after 3 weeks incubation at the hospital, we knew that he was fragile due to premature birth. He was the opposite of the fictional Superman. Yet he was the strongest person I've finally met -- and the most sincere in giving smiles, as if saying "Hi tito, nice to meet you. I love you too." If he was in pain, he never showed it and indulged himself in the pleasure of drinking milk instead. We would often tease him, "pataba ka baby
ah" and he would flash a broken smile something between laughter and whining.
Last Friday, Ate tet (baby Jorel's mom) was happier than usual. Baby baby Jorel is getting a bit fatter and his legs and feet were chubbier. Sadly, the happiness was temporary; As it turns out, baby Jorel's lower body was starting to swell: a symptom of kidney failure. He was rushed in the hospital that evening and was confined under medical observation. Next thing we knew, he was having trouble breathing and wasn't urinating properly -- then blood donors were needed and tests were made; yet no clear indications on what would happen next.
Last Monday, we visited baby Jorel while he was being tended by nurses and a doctor. The doctor's face was painted with bad news. Either baby Jorel's kidney was blocked or it wasn't formed well due to premature birth, she later confessed. It's either surgery or dialysis.
That evening, right after trying to celebrate Jody's birthday, Ate tet went home to packed some clothes. baby Jorel was scheduled for surgery in Pampanga.
The doctors will remove the water in his kidney to stop the clogging until they could figure out what was wrong. With financial and emotional turmoil, ate Tet remained calm as she broke the news.
Jody and I went to the hospital just before they took baby Jorel to Pampanga. He was asleep and was playing with his bubbling saliva. I sat beside him as I fumble his small foot. I watched him silently as he enhaled troubled breaths so as to pop larger bubbles of saliva. It's a wonder how at a troubled time, a baby can calm you down with his playful sleep. I never thought It would be the last time I would see baby Jorel alive.
They took baby Jorel that evening after being halted by bureaucratic settlement of fees and documents.
The surgery took place yesterday at 4pm. I got a message from ate that the surgery was succesful and baby Jorel was taken to the recovery area. But as we were about to find relief, messages started sounding bad. Baby Jorel's lungs were giving up and he was developing pulmonary problems.
By early morning we were all waiting for more news -- but the grave news we did not want to hear came by 4am. I learned about it as I woke up this morning, only to be hugged by my silently crying mother. I cried back knowing that our miracles just ended too.
Miracles do happen, and I'm glad that it happened to us for a few months in our bundle of joy.
----
Thank you for all the concerns, the financial support, the ears for listening, and for praying. I'm sure baby Jorel is in a better place without pain by now.
Thank you po.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Oct 06
Grow
-----------------------
I woke up alone
thinking about you
I figured I'll walk
still thinking about you
If ever I've told you before
that the feeling was never unsure
I know that you'll start believing that
something inside us have grown
I know that deep inside believing
that love has really grown
You woke up alone
thinking about me
you figured you'd smile
remembering how funny
the things that I've told you before
and the feeling was never unsure
I know that you will start believing that
something inside us have grown
I know that deep inside believing
that love has really grown
(Interlude) Grow..
Now we're together
the day is complete love
We figured we'd talk
until we fall asleep love
althought the world is a bit unsure
about tomorrow but still I know
that every time we're thinking about
each other
love will still
grow
-----------------------
I woke up alone
thinking about you
I figured I'll walk
still thinking about you
If ever I've told you before
that the feeling was never unsure
I know that you'll start believing that
something inside us have grown
I know that deep inside believing
that love has really grown
You woke up alone
thinking about me
you figured you'd smile
remembering how funny
the things that I've told you before
and the feeling was never unsure
I know that you will start believing that
something inside us have grown
I know that deep inside believing
that love has really grown
(Interlude) Grow..
Now we're together
the day is complete love
We figured we'd talk
until we fall asleep love
althought the world is a bit unsure
about tomorrow but still I know
that every time we're thinking about
each other
love will still
grow
|
My son's very first medal - first honor, first quarter, first BOW!
I grabbed this from Jody's youtube. She directed/edited/music scored/taught/gave birth etc...
Enjoy! bow
Enjoy! bow
Friday, October 3, 2008
otso otso
I'm down...
d
o
w
n
down below my usual self. That's why I have to psyche myself on thinking about the good things happening now:
1. I finished my 2.5 years of Masters education in Business Management.
2. I just bought a PSP for my gaming pleasure.
3. Jajas makes everyday a funny learning experience -- and he is waaaaaay smarter than me when I was young. Imagine a 4-year old kid who can explain the idea behind a time machine - and he does this before you can even say his name.
4. Jody laughs more now, even at my corniest jokes - and we enjoy walking outside again. Especially that her birthday is nearing just the corner of this weekend :)
5. Chrismas is playing on the radio -- and it's more than enough to make my childhood
happiness spark again. I can't still think of other season more cheerful than Christ's birthday.
6. I still find time to write this blog despite the ballooning responsibilities. I can't believe that a few minutes of sleeping will be a source of guilt. I miss the time when my mama knocks my head to sleep at night.
7. I enjoy my work. It's killing me but I enjoy it. It's an addiction actually, and I know I have to cut it short, before it cuts me shorter..now that doesn't make sense. :)
8. Last time I check, I was still alive! -- and I still am!
8 GOOD Things! Not bad at all. I think I'll go on smiling now.
d
o
w
n
down below my usual self. That's why I have to psyche myself on thinking about the good things happening now:
1. I finished my 2.5 years of Masters education in Business Management.
2. I just bought a PSP for my gaming pleasure.
3. Jajas makes everyday a funny learning experience -- and he is waaaaaay smarter than me when I was young. Imagine a 4-year old kid who can explain the idea behind a time machine - and he does this before you can even say his name.
4. Jody laughs more now, even at my corniest jokes - and we enjoy walking outside again. Especially that her birthday is nearing just the corner of this weekend :)
5. Chrismas is playing on the radio -- and it's more than enough to make my childhood
happiness spark again. I can't still think of other season more cheerful than Christ's birthday.
6. I still find time to write this blog despite the ballooning responsibilities. I can't believe that a few minutes of sleeping will be a source of guilt. I miss the time when my mama knocks my head to sleep at night.
7. I enjoy my work. It's killing me but I enjoy it. It's an addiction actually, and I know I have to cut it short, before it cuts me shorter..now that doesn't make sense. :)
8. Last time I check, I was still alive! -- and I still am!
8 GOOD Things! Not bad at all. I think I'll go on smiling now.
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