Loneliness and Alibi

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Loneliness, in my case, comes in two situations:

whenever I see, hear or feel something lonely; Loneliness is contagious, so you might as well stop reading. And;

whenever I felt a sudden surge of happiness and then would later find myself in the middle of the night alone, staring at a one-way antisocial computer.

Luckily for me today, I am in both cases.

I saw loneliness on my way back home. It took the form of a breeze. It kissed my cheek as Judas would've kissed his master; Enticing yet treacherous. Along with it's smooth blow were my memories hidden in the deep part of my soul; rejections, humiliations, departure and death.

I got home tired and numb from over joy. I came from a party with people painted with smiles and laughter. Sadly for me, all that was left was a smudge of temporary ink all over my face.

I sat down infront of my PC and made a mind-calculation on the choices to make: Dwell in the pool of sadness, deal with depression or sleep.

Sleep was far from me.

Depression was rejected, my mind would not like to believe that it was depressed. The same idea drunk men have whenever they say "Heek, aym not zdrunk..Hik!

Having nothing else to choose from, I chose to dwell...and so I wrote.

I recalled all the details of melancholy. I closed my eyes and pictured the color of the skyless memory. I remembered the feeling of rain droplets on a sunny day. I chose a sad upbeat song (What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie). I cried for not crying and I cried harder for not trying.

Suddenly like the breeze that kissed me, loneliness was taken away. I felt happy and have reminded myself that I would be fast asleep soon.

Loneliness was switched off by the pc shutting down. Loneliness was closed by my eyelids. Sleep was nearby but the sun was awake.

I tried to sleep knowing that loneliness would visit me again, someday.