The first article on Narcissus

5 mins. to think of a topic; 2 mins to mumble; 23.2 seconds to type then erase and retype.

Yet I still haven't thought of anything to write. maybe I wasn't meant to write anything here. maybe I better go home and draw in front of the PC instead.

I'm better off without words, I guess.

thirtyleven

Ruined by the battle I took with the pen and paper this morning, I found myself staring through the window and through the forest, where Jason lies beneath the maple tree. The shadow dancing on his face. Slowly he opened his eyes. blog, an apple fell from the maple tree.

Sometimes its better to write things without intention or purpose. Just write it for yourself. Like poems within poems. Realizing the beauty by looking through a prism without a light under a lake of fruit juice. melting from the popsicle stick, and slowly spinning down the drain.

Jason smiled. He now realized that he too, was a figment of my imagination.

Speed writing - The Monarch

Once there was a good monarch who wanted to become a statue. He first prayed to the deities to provide him a magical mirror so that he can capture the right pose. He then called for the Goddess of Paris to provide him the right plaster. But being an Asian that she is, the Goddess referred him to the consultant Leonardo. The monarch traveled mountains, dark smelly alleys, oceans, rooftops, valleys, suburbs, oceans and even parking lots to reach the consultant situated at the middle of central park, Old York. He is always to be found behind the red car (In the middle of a park? He asked indignantly. Yes, said the Goddess). Leonardo is where he was supposed to be, and he recommended that the Monarch avail bronze from a mall in Shanghai since there was a 70% discount there due to recession. He also recommended that the Monarch take a flight on one of his private planes.

The flight took more than 50 years. By the time the Monarch reached Shanghai, the country was transformed into a Norwegian territory. All products increased prices up to 1000%! The Monarch used all the money that he got from his parents.Returning home, he was confronted by difficulties in customs, tax regulations, language barrier, insomnia and dyslexia. He began paying his way out through cutting portions of the Bronze. By the time he reached home, he no longer contains the vitality and the bronze with him. He fell sleep from exhaustion.

He woke up in the middle of the night covered with sweat. He prayed to the Mother Nature his disappointments, wishes and his travels. Magically his sweat turned to Bronze; Slowly engulfing his flesh and bones. Although filled with pain, the monarch posed in the manner he liked best; the reclining position. His heart slowly pumping bronze. His veins clogged by Bronze. His nostrils breathing Bronze. He smiled and died slowly.

The next day, the townsmen found the statue of a reclining man. They never knew who he was and decided to call him Monarch.

The Longest Jeepney Ride Home

The idea of a jeepney ride home at 11pm was uncomfortable for me. I prefer the comfort of the bed with my 2-year old son and my wife beside me while counting sheeps in my dreams. The jeepney room wasn't full and wasn't empty. I sat at the far left corner. That way I can go down easily by the time I say "para manong".

The jeep stopped in front of the municipal hall. The place wasn't well lit, but the image strucked me like the Juan Luna painting: Homeless people lying down with only carton sheets as their protection against the cold concrete. My attention was grabbed, and looking intently, I noticed that some of them are awake and cheerful. If only one would not consider the atmosphere, you can place their smiling faces in a Fernando Amorsolo's painting. You can tell, by the look of their faces that they were somewhat content and happy.

My mind was about to wander on what experiences placed them on such condition when the jeep started to move. Like the vehicle I rode, my mind simply went to it's usual movement. Thinking about the responsibilities at home, on what book to read, about my son growing up, about the advertisements that passes me by as I rode home.

"Manong bayad. Abot mo nga apo." muttered the voice just in front of me. I thought the old lay was asking me to pass her fare but she was telling it to her grandson. The little boy, who was probably just 6 - 7 years old obeyed without hesitation. I saw the same happiness in them which I just saw a moment ago in the park. They were smiling and they too were beggars. They we're carrying a large sack and two large bags. I was able to confirm my assumption that they were in deed homeless when I eavesdropped a bit and heard that the Lola was asking her grandson where they will probably sleep. They were deciding whether to stay at the park or a dumpster near the park. The boy answered his lola with great spirit that the park won't be crowded and will provide good light for his studies.

My curiosity got the best of me. "San po nagaaral ang apo niyo lola? Smart po siya sumagot." I asked the old lady. She said that her grandson is studying in OCES,an elementary public school. She must've known what I would ask next since she began telling their story.

She said that life wasn't used to be hard. She's got a good son who was the bread winner of the family. Her sole responsibility was to raise and educate her grandson since the boy grew up without a mother. As if life wasn't hard enough for them that her son became so sick and eventually died. Without any other relatives to go for help, Lola was forced to beg for money so as to provide for her grandson. They lost their home and soon found themselves among the beggars near the municipality hall.

I asked her that maybe she can ask for social help from agencies providing social welfare. She shook her head and said that she will provide for her grandson no matter what. She said she will not let the boy stop schooling even if it requires her to beg for more. I was lost in our conversation when her grandson began pulling her grandmother's hands. "Bababa na tayo dito. Nasa Park na Lola."

"Para manong" we both said. Just before she got down I slipped a paper inside her hand, "Sukli daw po", which made her smile. "Kasama ka sa panalangin ko iho", I simply said that her story is worth more than the value I gave her.

The jeep began to move. But my mind stayed with the thought of an old lady and her grandchild sleeping in a the park.

RUGRATS!!!

I love these moments when my son was so small. Please watch the video posted by my loves:

http://jodyism101.multiply.com/video/item/1

the beggar who was richer than me

I'm not performing well lately. My back hurts from excessive computer use. My eyes see things overly bright. My mind is tired of pushing thoughts on things I don't like to think right now. My cheeks sagging into a frown. I feel ugly and useless. But as I pass by on the bridge before going to work, I saw this old foreigner beggar again. Her left foot bruised from some skin illness, her hands carrying a bag of empty C2 plastics. Just before she takes out the garbage I offered a 20 bill. She looked at me, smiled, shook her head and continued her routine of collecting plastic bottles from the garbage bin.

She seems alone with no one to talk, and yet she is dignified to work without anyone'e help.

Stricken with guilt, my day seemed to brighten up.

Narcissus IV

by Ryan Sandagon
01/04/03

Julie
Nabasa ko iyong sulat na iniwan mo sa table ko.Sino ka ba talaga? Paano ka nakakapasok sa kwarto ko tuwing gabi? Okay lang namang maging magkaibigan tayo, kaso nawiwirduhan lang talaga ako.
Me pasok pa akong maaga bukas kaya matutulog na ako. Iwan ko itong liham dito sa table baka mabasa mo.
P.S. Me tinira akong tinapay at buko juice sa kusina baka gutom ka (sakaling bumalik ka).--Ry

Ry
Salamat sa midnight snacks. Salamat at gusto mo din akong maging kaibigan.Malamang nagugulat ka sa mga pangyayari.Di mo kelangang iwang bukas iyong pinto mo.Mamaya baka me magnanakaw pang makapasok,tulog ka pa naman.
Gusto mo nga pala akong makilala? Julieta buo kong pangalan (di na kelangan ng apelyido). Medyo gabi akong gising kaya malabong magkita tayo.Nakatira lang ako sa malapit.
Wag ka ng magpakilala.Marami naman na akong alam sayo; 9:00pm kang natutulog,college student ka, at wala ang boardmate mong si Aris dahil umuwi siyang Zambales...Loner ka rin...gaya ko.
galing kong stalker no?
PS Wala pa pala akong BF :)

Julie
Nagulat ako sa PS mo. Tsaka okay lang naman kahit di mo ibigay yung surname mo.Salamat uli ha?At least me kakwentuhan na ako.Sana magkita tayo.
PS wala pa akong GF :p --Ry

03/13/03
Julie,
Lampas isang buwan na tayong nagsusulatan. Pwede ba tayong magkita? Natutuwa kasi ako sa mga sulat mo,parehas tayo ng idea sa lahat ng pilosopiya sa buhay.Mas masaya siguro kung kwentuhan ng personal.
Alam mo bang peak ng araw ko iyong pagbabasa ng sulat mo.
Sana wag kang magagalit sa itatanong ko...hmmmm..pwede bang kahit sa sulatan maging "tayo"? I mean, nagkakaintindihan naman tayo di ba? Tsaka romantic yung idea.hehehe.Please wag kang magagalit.--Ry

Ry,
Naiyak ako sa sulat mo.Tinitigan kita sa pagkakahiga mo sa iyong kama.Di kita pwedeng gisingin,baka...mawala ako.
Mahal kita...pero hindi ka magiging maligaya sa akin.Kelangan nating magisip.Di muna kita guguluhin...Kelangan nating magisip..paalam.--Julie

03/14/03
Julie,
Bakit di pwede?Nagmamahalan naman tayo? Mahal din kita Julie.--Ry

03/15/03
Julie
Natagpuan ko iyong liham ko sa table ngayon.Malamang di ka nga dumaan kagabi.Pero kung sakali mang mabasa mo ito...Mahal kita Julie.Mahal na mahal.--Ry

03/31/2003
SHIT! SHIT! Anong problema ko? Ayaw mo ba sakin.Isang buwan na akong nagsusulat ng ganito.SHIT...SHIT!.SHIT!..Pagod na akong nagigising na nakikitang di nagagalaw ang mga sulat ko.Kung mawawala ka sa akin MAWAWALA AKO SA SARILI KO!--Ry

Ry
Mahal kita...kalimutan mo na ako...--Julie

04/01/03
Julie,
Bigyan mo ako ng magandang dahilan.--Ry

Ry,
Di ka ba nagtataka kung bakit di pa tayo nagkikita? Kung bakit hanggang 9:00pm ka lang gising?Kung paano ako nakakapasok sa kwarto mo kahit naka-lock ang pinto.
Kasi nagigising ako ng 9:00pm hanggang sa magising ka.
Ikaw ako Ryan
Masyado kang nag-iisa kaya nabuo ako
Ginawa mo ako..sa utak mo.
Mahal kita kaya ginawa ko ito.Kalimutan mo na ako--Julie

04/02/03
Julie
Kalukuhan ito...hindi ako schizo...
Pero kung mahal mo ako't totoong sinasabi mo,magkikita tayo mamayang 9:00pm. Tatapat ako sa salamin...at sabay tayong maglalaho.
Medyo masakit ang paglaya natin
Blade sa pulso.
Mahal kita...
Mahal kong sarili ko

END